Changing Tides

By: Toni Havens

Come forth enchantress of the sea.

Arise from the very depths of me.

Let me emerge myself in the beauty of your element.

Wash away the negative of my mind, and cleanse my tainted soul.

Show me the trick of your glimmer and shine, as I follow the path of the divine.

I give myself to thee.

Seductive mistress of the sea.

Let the tides release me.


Photo by Josephine Wall you can find her artwork here:

Mental File Cabinets

*In my Principles of Management: Diversity class we recently had to read a short story by, Tony Robbins about our mental file cabinets I found it it to be an interesting read. Unfortunately I couldn’t find an online version to post with this but here is my short essay in response to the article:

I found this essay to be an interesting read, I have often thought of my mind as a file cabinet or folders and subfolders on a computer. I have tried to treat it as I do my real life file cabinet or computer. With my home every six months I go through my things including my real life file cabinet and dispose of the clutter, unneeded or not used things that can pile up around the house. I am a very organized, logical, one step after another thinker, I do not like clutter or distractions. Although unlike my home I don’t wait every six months to reevaluate a situation, person or idea, I make a daily effort to keep my mental folders strong and positive.

When I think about the type of labels I have on my mental folders I realize I have a lot of folders because I do not group things together. I do not have a Mexican folder where I put both my friends Lindsey and Roxanna in the same folder, I have a Roxanna folder then Roxanna subfolders. Roxanna’s folders would look something like this: Roxanna, married, University of Washington graduate, political science major, ruthless at fantasy football, etc. Since I know quite a few people and I am naturally curious I have many folders. Also since I am very interested in the, who, what, when, why’s of being human I have many subfolders attached to the individuals that are in my life.

My father use to tell me often don’t be so open minded your brain falls out. Well I never really took that advice. My belief is knowledge is personal power and there is so much to learn you should never stop, once you stop adding ideas and “folders” what is the point? The world is ever changing, knowledge is ever changing. That is why it is important to reevaluate your mental folders on a constant basis otherwise you get lost in time, prejudices and stereotypes. Trying new things, putting yourself out there is what enhances your knowledge of others and the world around you.

Being human it is virtually impossible not to have any negative folders, nobody has had a perfect life where there was no pain, hurt, suffering, betrayal, or regret. We all have those folders that are at the back of the file cabinet, buried and covered with dust and forgotten about. Dealing with them can take years and sometimes professional help is needed to help us unfold what we have buried in that folder. But it is those types of folders that enable us, that disable our thinking and hold us back.

One folder I am constantly working on to change is my religion folder, if you would have asked me 5 years ago I would have clumped every religious person in the same folder and compared them all to my dad. I have made leaps and bounds with this thinking, and logically even then I knew not every religious person was like my dad. But the hurt I felt about my dad I blamed it on his religion instead of him, therefore illogically linking religion with my pain. I am constantly deleting that pesky religion folder it is hard for me because it was easier to blame the state of mine and my father’s relationship on his religious choices rather than his own. Not all people who believe in god or practice a religion are alike I know that and I have known that for a long time but I used that folder as a coping mechanism. I have in the last few years reclassified my folder and given my dad his own, with his own subfolders. While it is definitely something I have to constantly upkeep because old habits are hard to overcome I no longer automatically place someone in the “religion” folder when they tell me they are religious, I make it a subfolder in their folder.

Nobody is perfect and the best we can do is be aware of our imperfections and try to change our perceptions. Actively seeking new ideas, thoughts, and meaning keeps us evolving and growing, keeps us alive. We never want to be stagnant because while we are sitting there idle the world is still turning and changing around us.

Life is a journey not a one way stop

There is a reason why people are the way they are. We all have a story, we all have baggage, we have all made regrettable choices that we have to live with. Life is a journey not a one way stop. I firmly believe if we as a society would stop for more than one second and look beyond the hardened shell most of us have built around us and took the time to see what is inside we just might notice how much a like we all really are. The human element seems to have disappeared in our world today. Humanity is the only thing that separates us from the rest of the animal world.

Let’s make an effort to embrace different, new, weird instead of wasting energy being judgemental and gossiping about it.

-End Rant


There is just something about a man who can sing and play guitar!

Good live music is one thing I live for. I can not even begin to tell you how many concerts I have been to. I tried to make a list but I know I was forgetting some.

Aaron Lewis

Aaron Lewis


This last weekend I was able to see Aaron Lewis formally from the band Staind. The raw emotion that spills from this mans voice gives me goosebumps! He has always been one of my favorites and since he is doing this new country act and my generation is getting older he was playing at a local casino. We scored front row tickets for $55!! 

My husband, me and my best friend! Doesn't get better than front row!

My husband, me and my best friend! Doesn’t get better than front row!

It was seriously one of the best performances I have ever seen live. Hearing some of my favorites like Outside, It’s Been Awhile and So Far Away acoustically rendered me speechless. Aaron Lewis has one of the best voices in the business, I even enjoyed his new country songs. He was very engaging with the crowd, he played a long set and he was pretty down to earth and funny. I would pay to see him again in an instant.

I recorded this on my phone I hope you enjoy it (for whatever reason I can’t get it to go the right way):



How would the world look if more people took this to heart?


My husband calls me a hippie. I tell him to stop calling me names. I am a human. We all are just human’s trying to survive, we are all made of the the same material and hardwired the same. I hate labels, segregation and borders I think it is those things that have kept us from the next step in human evolution.

We are all one!

Healthy Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Oat Bars (vegan & gluten free)


I grew up loving to be in the kitchen and trying new recipes, when I found out about my food allergies I got frustrated for awhile giving up on something I loved. Lately (and my waistline probably shows it) I have been going outside my box and trying all sorts of new recipes. I had to share this one because it was oh so delightful!

I had been craving a pumpkin treat, this one sure hit the spot! I made a few personal tweaks to the recipe. I used carob chips (because I am allergic to chocolate too), I put more spices then called for and I used half the sugar.

As usual my husband turned his nose when I showed him the recipe but now I can’t keep his fingers out of the final product!

Follow this link if you want to check out the recipe:

Breaking the Silence

This has a great link to Infertility Etiquette, it is amazing some of the things people say to you about your inability to conceive.

Lady Breaks

Breaking the Silence


In the UK this week it’s National Infertility Awareness Week (I think our one is in April), so I thought it would be a good time to continue ‘breaking the silence.’

In Australia, it’s estimated that one in six couples suffer from infertility, which is a heck-load when you think about it, yet no one really wants to talk about it. And trust me – I completely understand why. When you first decide you would like to bring a bundle of joy into the world you tend to keep it fairly private. You imagine breaking the news to your elated parents and friends, and there being hugs and kisses and joy and rainbows all round.

If the people around you already know that you’re trying some of that magic will just disappear.

So what happens when it doesn’t happen? This is where it gets tricky. As you…

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Halloween, Samhain, All Hallow’s Eve.. What’s it to you?

My nephew is the cutest dragon ever!

My nephew is the cutest dragon ever!

I am the type of person who likes to question everything I choose to do and I like to make sure the reason why I am choosing to do said thing is true to who I am and want to be. I don’t like to do things because it is the social norm. So it is not surprising then that the last few years I have questioned why I celebrate the holidays. Being raised Jehovah’s Witness by my father but living with my mother who wasn’t a Jehovah’s Witness it depended on which parent I was with if I celebrated or not. It is fair to say that my opinion of holidays have been muddled since childhood.

Seeing as how today is Halloween I decided to finally put my thoughts on the subject down on paper.

After I broke completely free of my father’s religion I studied, read and experienced as many different ideas, religions and cultures I could. I have found that my ideas tend to lean more towards the nature based religions such as Druidism, Pagan or Wiccan. For me believing in nature is a lot easier than believing in a god or goddess, natures visible and ever constant. You can smell the soggy leaves that will be next year’s soil, you can hear the wind carrying seeds of life, and you can feel the chill putting the land to sleep.

I like the idea of the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain (summer’s end) also known as the Celtic new year. Before we switched over to the Gregorian calendar many ancient calendars were based on a combination of solar and lunar movements, the calendars divided the year in two parts: winter and summer. The transitions between theses created two “new year’s” one of them being Samhain (Halloween) the other being Beltane (May Day).

Now what I don’t like about Halloween is the consumerism side of it. I don’t think it is necessary to spend 100’s of dollars on decorations. I don’t like supporting the candy companies, my personal belief is that nobody should eat that crap it is toxic for your body so the idea of little growing bodies walking around gathering as much poison as they can and turning into little gluttons is a huge turn off for me. Not to mention the safety aspect of going door to door to strangers houses, nobody knows their neighbors anymore.

So how will I be celebrating this holiday? This past weekend my husband and I went to the pumpkin patch and for $11 we got 3 large pumpkins and 10 cute little pumpkins and gourds. We then went home and had a few glasses of wine while we carved our pumpkins and watched some of our favorite seasonal movies, “The Nightmare Before Christmas”, “Hocus Pocus” and “The Great Pumpkin”. It was a great night. The next day we had a harvest dinner at my Grandmothers where we dressed my nephew up in his costume and took so many pictures because he is just too cute! And finally tonight I will do a small personal ritual to put to sleep this last year and start anew tomorrow, with hopes of attaining many personal goals this New Year. I will give my hopes, dreams, hurts and doubts to nature, to the universe and start the New Year with a fresh slate.

And since my husband said I can’t hand out apples to trick or treater’s I will turn all my lights off and hide.

No matter how you choose to celebrate I wish you all a safe and happy Halloween, Samhain, All Hallow’s Eve!



By: Toni Havens

To the child I may never know…

Your mom and dad love you so.

Together we have built a home, saving you the coziest room.

We’ve given you a name and collected a few small things.

To the child I may never know…

In so many day dreams I have watched you grow.

I have felt your small hand upon my face, your unconditional love in a warm embrace.

Heard daddy reading you Green Eggs and Ham you giggled at that silly Sam I Am.

To the child I may never know…

So many hours we’ve spent wishing for you.

Talking, caring and planning for you.

It gets harder every year, waiting, hoping.

Then disappointing.

To the child I may never know…

For some reason in my womb you will not grow.

But just so know your mommy and daddy love you so.